Bhakti List Archives

[sv-rituals] An earnest plea

From the Bhakti List Archives

Ravi Devanathan • Wed Jul 03 2002 - 20:26:11 PDT 


Dear Moderator,
I am in dire need of advice. The only option I have is
to ask learned people such as you, and am hence
posting this to the forum. If this mail is considered
inappropriate for this list, please advise me out of
your own knowledge.

I am a Srivaishnava of the Vadagalai subsect. I belong
to a family that is steeped in tradition and upholding
traditional values. I believe in the same too. The
question I have is about marriage. I have certain
physical ailments, which are considered unfavourable
by suitors, and hence have not found alliances. But
there is a very distant cousin whose family is close
to mine, who adores me and who I adore. We are all for
a marriage. However, though she belongs to exactly the
same caste, sub-caste and everything, there are two
major hurdles:

1. She belongs to the same Gothram as I do.
2. There is no nakshatra porutham between us.

My parents and I fear about this. While my parents
know only the existing practices, I believe in
following that our scriptures say, for everything in
life, rather than what people of today say, which may
have lots of inconsistencies crept in them over time.
Hence my request to you begins. I wish to know:

1. Is there a means by which I can get married to a
Sagothra person, keeping with all the Niyamas as laid
down by the Sutras?
2. I have heard that one option is to get the bride
adopted by someone of a different Gothra, thereby
changing hers and making this possible. Is it true? Is
it practiced? If so, what is the procedure for the
same?
3. Once she is adopted by someone else, does that
person get to perform the Kanyadanam? Does her actual
father get to lose any right to perform the rituals?
4. After the marriage is completed this way, does her
actual father get to lose all his rights (not legal
but ritual) to perform any rituals such as Seemantham
etc? Is there a way he can adopt her again so that he
becomes the father again, as far as rituals and
practices are concerned?
5. The families know each other well, and so do I and
the bride. But there is no nakshatra porutham and
hence horoscopes do not match. Now is a match in
horoscopes a mandatory requirement (as per the
shastras) for marriage, or is it only an advisory tool
for people who dont know each other? In the latter's
case, a horoscope match becomes needless when the
families know each other completely. What is the rule?
6. What scriptures do I quote for all the advise you
give me?

I apologise humbly for asking so many questions. I
really do not have any intention of converting this
list into an agony aunt. But I am in a serious dilemma
and have no one learned and open-minded to tell me
what the scriptures truly say about the conduct of a
marriage in such a case. Everyone is biased and
opinionated, which is why I appeal to this forum to
give me the most unbiased advice (which has
documentary evidence) so that I can convince myself
and my parents, that everything is in accordance to
our original laws, rather than what people might have
corrupted down the line.

This is my humble plea. I respect the moderator's
extensive knowledge and request your view on this, but
wish to have as many opinions as possible, as all your
experience would give me the best information. I
apologise again to voilate the nature of your
discussions with this personal query, but I am
helpless and earnestly plead for genuine help.

With regards,
Ravi.

________________________________________________________________________
Want to sell your car? advertise on Yahoo Autos Classifieds. It's Free!!
       visit http://in.autos.yahoo.com


------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor ---------------------~-->
Free $5 Love Reading
Risk Free!
http://us.click.yahoo.com/TPvn8A/PfREAA/Ey.GAA/XUWolB/TM
---------------------------------------------------------------------~->

-- SrImatE rAmAnujAya namaH --

 

Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/